Over this weekend, the world mourns the loss of Matthew Perry, forever immortalized as the one and only Chandler Bing from the American-famous sitcom of the 1990s, 'Friends (1994-2004),' soon to complete thirty years since its release. This piece is a heartfelt tribute to his memory and a celebration of the beloved character that not only entertained us but also challenged the notions of masculinity in the 1990s.
In parallel to his on-screen success, Matthew Perry, the man behind the iconic character, faced a deeply personal battle with addictions and poor mental health. This battle ultimately led to his tragic and premature passing, shedding light on the pervasive silence that often surrounds men's mental health struggles. However, it's important to note that in his later years, he bravely raised awareness about his own struggles, encouraging others to confront their inner demons.
Chandler Bing was the only child, born to Nora Tyler Bing (Morgan Fairchild), an erotic romance novelist, and Charles Bing, a gay female impersonator and the star of a Las Vegas drag show called "Viva Las Gay-gas," performing under the name Helena Handbasket (Kathleen Turner). Both were promiscuous, reinforcing a negative and sexual stereotype with gay community. His parents announced their divorce over a Thanksgiving dinner when he was nine years old, an event that left him with deep-seated trauma. As an adult, this experience led him to reject the celebration of the holiday and to harbour fears of commitment. It also played a significant role in shaping his notorious sense of humour as a defence mechanism.
On one hand, Chandler Bing embraced the traditional values of masculinity that were prevalent in the 1990s. During that era, societal norms expected men to be stoic and avoid expressing their emotions openly. Throughout many episodes, Chandler is notorious for avoiding deep emotional conversations and situations. His inability to express his emotions openly serves as a poignant portrayal of how both societal expectations and his personal history can hinder men from addressing their mental health concerns. It's worth highlighting an episode in season 7 where Chandler finally reaches a breaking point and decides to visit a therapist. The show demonstrates that it takes courage to acknowledge one's struggles and seek assistance. Despite this, he openly expressed his insecurities and displayed vulnerability, but as the other male characters, he is less emotionally expressive than his female counterparts.
Additionally, the show depicts his father's homosexuality and gender identity as a drag queen with a recurring theme of others making jokes at Chandler's expense. He struggled to accept his father's desire to be true to himself, grappling with his inability to comprehend why his father couldn't conform to what he considered "normal" gender norms, much like Joey and Ross did from time to time.
On a broader scale, the media often reinforces hegemonic masculinity by promoting specific expectations for men, particularly white males, regarding their appearance and behaviour. This reinforcement contributes to the establishment of a hierarchy that disproportionately affects men of colour and the LGBTQ community, both of which have historically experienced marginalization in media portrayals. While "Friends" is often approached casually, examining it through the lens of gender and media culture reveals a lack of diversity and the reinforcement of established gender roles within its main characters.
Friends co-creator David Crane provided this quote to The Advocate in 1996: "We didn't go into this determined that Chandler would be straight," Crane said at the time. "If we had cast a different actor—who was gay—there was the option that we would have taken the character in that direction." However, there has been ample fan speculation regarding his sexuality, viewing it as queercoding or even as part of a recurring comical theme in the show, perpetuated by other characters' jokes. It's essential to highlight other LGBTQ+ representations in the show, such as Carol and Susan, although they were at times subject to offensive jokes and even in a negative undertone.
On the other hand, Chandler Bing emerges as a witty, sarcastic, and endearingly awkward character who defies the stereotypes of traditional masculinity. He serves as an early example of a metrosexual, representing a man in an urban, post-industrial, capitalist culture who places significant emphasis on meticulous personal style, grooming, and self-care routines. His use of cosmetics and commitment to self-care challenges conventional notions of masculinity. Furthermore, his relationship with Joey (Matt LeBlanc), their deep brotherhood, and the affection they share without relying on romantic tropes also challenge traditional representations of male friendships, emphasizing genuine affection.
Chandler's romantic relationship with Monica Geller (Courteney Cox) showcased a new model of masculinity. He wholeheartedly supported Monica's ambition, celebrated her successes, and never felt threatened by her achievements. Their love story was rooted in mutual respect and equality, representing a healthier approach to partnership that resonated with millennials seeking balanced and meaningful relationships. However, it's important to acknowledge instances where Chandler considered himself the caretaker and believed that Monica shouldn't be solely responsible for their financial well-being.
In "Friends," there are instances where jokes are made about traditional gender norms and masculinity. For instance, Chandler's mom humorously challenges the notion that having a penis equates to wearing a dress, and Joey ridicules Ross for wearing a pink "girly" shirt. Additionally, Chandler and Ross face mockery for their interest in reading "The Lord of the Rings" in high school instead of engaging in sexual activities. These moments within the show reflect how media often reinforces hegemonic masculinity by promoting specific expectations for men, primarily white males, regarding their appearance and behaviour. Unfortunately, this further establishes a hierarchy that disproportionately affects men of colour and the LGBTQ community, both of which have historically experienced marginalization in media.
Last but not least, Chandler's humour served not only as a source of comic relief but also as a mask to conceal his inner turmoil. His humour was a unique blend of self-deprecating jokes, irony, and sarcasm. Chandler's character is multi-dimensional, allowing Matthew Perry to subtly shed light on the challenges men face when dealing with mental health.
The saying "the apple does not fall far from the tree" rings true in Matthew Perry's memoir, "Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing" (2022), where he reveals his battle with addiction to various substances, including vodka and prescription painkillers, during the filming of "Friends." Perry's struggles, including his parents' divorce, feelings of loneliness, and self-doubt, are laid bare in his memoir. Describing his life through numbers, he disclosed that he had been in therapy twice a week for three decades, undergone 15 rehab stints, and participated in over 6,000 AA meetings. Additionally, he faced various other health crises, such as a perforated colon in 2019, which led to a two-week coma. This intimate connection with his own struggles allowed Perry to bring authenticity and depth to Chandler's character, making Chandler's journey more relatable to viewers.
Chandler's character in "Friends" serves as a compelling example of the complexities of masculinity, showcasing how one can both challenge traditional norms and embody them. His portrayal enriches discussions about mental health and the diverse ways in which men navigate their emotional landscapes. While "Friends" has received criticism for some of its jokes and stereotypes, the show, through Chandler's character, also offers a more expansive perspective on masculinity, encouraging viewers to embrace a diverse and inclusive understanding of what it means to be a man. Chandler's enduring legacy in the discourse on mental health serves as a poignant reminder that even in the darkest moments, humour and laughter can be powerful tools for resilience.
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